LV and I had tucked the children into bed and were once again reading the Bible. It got late and we laid it aside to try and get some sleep ourselves. But instead of falling asleep we talked. We discussed what we had been reading, discussed our life up until this point, we had never done anything we considered to be wicked or particularly sinful but somehow that night we could draw no comfort from that.
The longer we talked the more serious things looked.Almost as if layers of curtains were being pulled back and we could really see ourselves. It wasn't pretty and we knew without a shadow of a doubt that we were not good enough on our own to get to heaven. To fully realize that was the most terrifying feeling ever. We had to do something.
We got out of bed and cried out to Jesus to save us. That we were done trying to be good on our own and really really needed him. The peace that washed over us then I really can't describe. I had never felt so light and carefree in my life. It was as if giant burdens had been lifted and we knew without a shadow of a doubt this was real. Jesus had really saved us.
The rest of the night sleep was not on our minds. The joy we felt was much too deep and profound to be sleepy and we talked, praised, and tried to refrain from singing since we didn't want to wake the children. I couldn't wait until the next morning to call my Mom to tell her about our good news. The feeling of being forgiven that we had anticipated at baptism had finally swept over us and I knew she would be thrilled for us.