Thursday, June 4, 2009

Of Gum and ........

Several years ago we planned a really great vacation. Before we left I went into a sewing frenzy and made that we each had a matching set of clothes for every day that we planned on being gone. A month after we got back we left the Amish and were stuck with lots of barely used clothes. We had no one to give them to and the thrifty part of me could not go and pitch them. And now I still have three types of clothes. Amish, I'm almost through with those, thankfully. Mennonite, I don't think I can emphasise how much I dislike those clothes, and then skirts and blouses.

This was taken a few weeks after we left the Amish.

Last evening I wore one of my Mennonite dresses to go to church, ill fitting though it is. Before we left I grabbed a Kleenex on the off chance that I might need it and since these dresses don't come equipped with pockets I tucked it inside of the cape, and happily went out to our vehicle and we headed to church.
On our way there I opened a new pack of gum and popped a piece into my mouth, trust me I try to be discreet with it, I don't want to appear to be chewing a cud, but my fear of having bad breath and losing friends because of it, is strong, and since I can't check my own breath I always try to prevent it with a piece of gum.
This piece tasted odd, but I kept it and we went into church and found a seat. About halfway through the service all I could think of was how bad this gum was tasting, and that I really need to get rid of it. I thought of my Kleenex and tried to get it but was now faced with a new problem. Let's just say that my cape no longer seemed like a good place to store something since I'm sitting. I tried to squirm a little to be able to get it, and my husband leaned over and asked me if something was wrong. I tried to hold still and just bravely swallow it. But the gum was so bad, that I didn't care if my breath is bad, I can always make new friends later. I just really need to get rid of the vile stuff. There was no way I wanted to swallow it and I hate getting up and walking out in time of church so with one last frantic effort I managed to grab hold of the corner of the Kleenex and I pulled it out and disposed of the gum.
I have learned several things.
  • Never ever under any circumstance tuck anything in the front of a Mennonite dress. In fact don't bother wearing a Mennonite dress, they are ill fitting, ornery contraptions. (No offense to any of my Mennonite readers, but it is the way I feel when I am wearing them.)
  • Never, ever and I repeat never, ever chew Jolt gum again.


  1. I don't know what jolt gum is, but I'm staying away from it! :)

  2. Whoa, is that anything like Jolt pop? Twice the caffeine and sugar as regular pop.

    At this stage in my life I will not be wearing a Mennonite dress, so no worries. I am happy with my OORB. And it has pockets!! I did a happy dance when I found that out, because I was prego at the time, and maternity dresses just don't come with pockets. Maybe they think you bulge enough without adding to it. (shrugs)

  3. Very cute post. Thanks for the warning about that gum!!!

  4. The gum sounds nasty. I usually use a spearmint to ensure I have fresh breath. It sounds like you had an interesting church service. Did you hear anything that was said? LOL!

  5. I haven't tried that gum...and I won't be anytime soon after that story lol. I'm glad you were finally able to get rid of it!

  6. You will make new friends later! I had forgotten that in front of the cape is the place to store a kleenex or a nice little hankie! Now I have a question; When you dressed Mennonite, you felt like a Mennonite, was the preaching Mennoniote too?

  7. Ha, that was fun to read! :~) I always have to have a piece of gum before we get in church, too. I have never heard of Jolt gum, but we have been chewing the same old Wrigley's Extra Spearmint flavor since before we married 16 years ago. :~)

  8. Love the photo of you!! And your stories are so rich and this one funny as well. Okay - I'll avoid the Jolt gum! I have no cape to hide a tissue in anyway. :)

  9. Oh my goodness, I've had jolt gum, and you're right, it's HORRID!
    Fairly new reader here, am really enjoying your stories, you have such a great sense of humor, something I always admire!

  10. OK, I won't ever tuck anything into the front of a Mennonite dress. I've never been that close to one, so if I did I might get some strange looks, so thanks for the head's up!! And Jolt gum - never had it, and I bet I won't now. I've heard of the soda Jolt. I bet you had enough energy to go clean your whole house when you got home. I am picturing you squirming around trying to get the Kleenex out and that is hilarious!! Well, not for you, but reading it sure is funny.

    I'm still re-reading the first part where you made sure you all had matching outfits each day of your vacation. How cute is that!? Now you go and behave in church next time, young lady! :)

  11. Re: Katie
    I wore a Mennonite dress because it is was something that was hanging in my closet, and no I definitely did not feel Mennonite, and the preaching was not Mennonite either.
    One of these days all those clothes will be worn out enough that I'll pitch them.
    The front of a cape is an embarrassing place to keep a Kleenex once you need to get it!

  12. OH my gosh - What a funny story. Glad you were able to get rid of the gum!

  13. Oh my~never had jolt gum before!
    I am Fundamental Baptist~so I have never worn a Mennonite dress before. But I love the simple life of the Amish~and work at keeping our life simple as we can. We visit our Missouri Amish very often. We are going to stop in at Indiana on our vacation in a couple of weeks.
    I love your blog~

  14. My boys like Jolt gum! I've never met an Amish or former Amish follower. Nice to meet you. Thank you for stopping by my pool side gardening post!

  15. I was blog surfing and came across this post. You made my heart smile!!!! I could only imagine. I will be reading more of your blogs later tonight. I will stay away from that gum
    Blessings to your precious family.......

  16. Never had Jolt gum and know now I'll AVOID it!!
    I don't know about Mennonite clothing. We do visit Lancaster and have some knowledge of Amish clothing. Your blog has been very educational for me learning about Amish life from a former Amish. For some reason I had pictured you leaving Amish before your marriage.

  17. I have had a few times in my life when I have stuck something mildly unknown in my mouth in rather public settings only to find out that it was not at all what I wanted in my mouth! Being the slow learner impetious type that I am, I am sure I will continue to have those not so graceful experiences.

    I love how you tell a story.

  18. Hm... to me Amish and Mennonite clothes look alike... I enjoy your blog....


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