Wednesday, April 8, 2020

G ~ Guilt

        It started one summer when I was a teen. My uncle was the bishop and his duties kept him busy for long hours often away from home, especially since the care of another church in a neighboring state had been placed on his shoulders. His wife was pregnant and by all appearances due to have their baby at any time.
     He was once again called away to take care of some church matters, leaving his wife at home alone. I was sure it would be most unpleasant for her to have the baby while he was gone, and so I prayed. There was no prayer in the little black prayer book the Amish used for a situation like this so I stepped out on a limb and prayed my own prayer asking God to keep Anna from having her baby until her husband could be with her.
     Several weeks later they had the baby. A little boy who died during labor.
     I was devastated and absolutely certain it was all my fault. I had meddled where I ought not have, and had dared to talk to God without the use of that little prayer book, and now the baby died because of it.
     It was all so horrible that I couldn't tell anyone what I had done. I carried that guilt for years, before realizing it was not mine to bear. That my little prayer had nothing to do with their baby passing away. It was such a relief to finally realize that.
    Guilt, when misplaced and irrational is an awful thing to bear.


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    1. Sorry, my first attempt to comment was nigh unto incoherent. Oh my, so true. Isn't it something that different groups say they believe the Bible yet ignore half claiming certain commandments no longer apply. But the Lord is faithful and will reveal Truth to any that truly want it. I'm glad you don't bear that burden any longer.
      Happy Resurrection Day!

  2. My heart aches for you! I think your experience was more common than we wish, and I'm so glad you learned the truth. It reminds me that we must pray for others and share the truth with them.

  3. What a terrible burden for a young girl to bear. I agree with Lisa, I think this is a common thing when people don't understand how our loving God works.
    I'm praying for good health and happiness for you and your sweet family.

  4. Such a burden I am so glad you no longer carry it. Stay safe.

  5. Your story reminds me of when my husband had passed away. one of my bus students , maybe about 12 years old gave me her Bible in which she apologized for Jake's passing. She said it was all her fault , she had not prayed hard enough. My heart broke when I read that and made a point of talking with her, telling her that it was not her fault, but that God had called him home at that time.

  6. I can't even imagine carrying that with you as young person. Guilt can certainly eat you alive. Thank you for sharing.

  7. So sad. I'm glad you eventually realized it wasn't your fault.


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