Having a child seemed to put a whole new light on life for us. Knowing that his future in this life and eternity rested largely on what we taught him. It was a sobering thought and we resolved to be the best parents we could possibly be.
Life was great for the most part but more and more we were having feelings deep inside that something wasn't right, that we needed to do more, be more than what we were but were at a total loss on how to figure out exactly what that was and how to go about to find out.
One evening as we were milking we were talking like we always did but this time our conversation turned to more serious things again. Sailor was playing with a few of his toys that I had fastened to the stroller to keep him occupied while we did the chores. He was such a happy little boy, but even the joy we felt at having him didn't outweigh the weight we felt inside. At a loss on what we could do we decided once chores were done we would go see the bishop and talk to him. He would surely have the advice we needed.
Arriving at the bishops house he invited us into his study which seemed like only an over sized closet. We tried to tell him how we felt, all our feelings of doubt and fear that something was wrong. That the thought of eternity was terrifying. He sat there and listened to everything. Once we were done talking he said that we really don't have anything to be worried or concerned about because we were really good people.
We went home knowing that what ever it was that was bothering us was still there and now felt totally helpless on how to deal with it.
Every time we started having doubts and questions we now tried to suppress them and buried ourselves in our work and renewed resolve to be the best Amish people we could be. If the bishop didn't have answers there was no where else to turn.