Friday, February 25, 2011

Meddling

LV's parents were still planning to move before too long and I was really looking forward to the day when LV and I could finally be alone without having to worry that his mother would be popping into our living quarters unannounced at her slightest whim. I was tired of having to bake bread for her while she sat and read The Budget or wrote letters. I was tired of having her inspect all the milking equipment after I had washed it. I was tired of the constant pressure I felt of trying to be perfect and not get the frowning disapproval of his mother at her son's scatter brained young bride. I tried to convince myself it wasn't as bad as it felt but was having a really hard time.

And then the day came when LV and I had to go to Somerset to take care of having my name changed and do some grocery shopping and getting the last few things I needed for my kitchen. It was late afternoon by the time we got home and there was a big van setting outside the house. Not wanting to have to barge through all of their visitors we asked our driver to back up to the basement door where we unloaded everything. most of it could wait in the basement until their visitors had left. We each took several bags and headed upstairs. His mother and several women were working at the kitchen sink with their backs turned toward us. We hurried through the living room where the men were sitting visiting and headed up to our cozy little home.

I quickly put the groceries away and fixed a little something for us to eat before LV had to go start feeding the cows. Going to our bedroom I wanted to change my clothes and then go to the barn with LV. I had nothing that needed to be done in the house and looked forward to spending a little extra time with him. I removed my covering and cape and apron and laid them on the bed. I was in the process of getting into my everyday dress when I heard a whole bunch of footsteps coming up the stairs and his mother talking. I clutched my dress to myself and darted into the closet sliding the door shut behind me.

I listened as she gave the women a tour of our living room while giving her opinion of my tastes of what I thought was homey. I could hardly believe my ears when I heard the roll top desk being opened as she was showing them what a nice desk LV's grandpa had given him. And then the closet in our living room where they admired a few things I had resting on the shelf.

The bedroom door opened and I held the closet door shut as hard as I could as they entered. "You'd think with as little as she has to do she could at least take care of her clothes instead of just throwing them on the bed." she continued. By now I was furious as I continued to hold the closet door shut. She couldn't get it open when she tried. I wondered what she would do if my hand slipped and the door opened and everyone would see me undressed. It was too awful to imagine and I was relieved when she gave up and went to show them the kitchen.

LV was still sitting at the table finishing up a piece of pie. "I didn't know you were at home already!" came her surprised remark. "I realized that," came LV's cold reply. I had never heard his voice like that before and was thrilled to know he didn't think his mother's actions were okay.

The tour was ended and my kitchen cupboards weren't snooped into that day as they hurried back downstairs. LV came to see if I was okay. And together we went to do the chores. Both of us glad it wouldn't be long before days like this would be history.

42 comments:

  1. Oh my! SO glad to hear she didn't get that door open, how awful for you!

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  2. In the beginning I had a mother-in-law like that. As the years passed she finally understood that I was there to stay and we got along fine. :-)

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  3. I'm glad she didn't manage to get the door open! It was bad enough for you as it was, but it would have been much worse if she'd gotten that door open!

    I hate people like that. I have a few of them in my family.

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  4. Oh Mary Ann,I'd have LOVED to have seen the look on your MIL's face! I'd have jumped out and shouted BOO! What a wicked thing to do...and exactly what my MIL would do too!I'm just glad that LV gave her the cold treatment and you kept your modesty! :)

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  5. Not at all nice. How unpleasant for you as a new wife to have to undergo that.

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  6. Oooh - that was SO bad! I would never dream of going into anyone's living space unannounced - much less take someone else in there too!!

    Glad your hubby saw it for what it was worth!

    Dianna

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  7. Wow! And I know your mother in law. LOL. I can really emphasize with you though. I never could please my inlaws. Nothing was ever good enough and it hurt until I finally realized that it wasn't really me they wouldn't have been happy with anyone.

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  8. That's awful! I can't even imagine how furious her comments made you... I would have been shaking! How disheartening to hear that from your MIL!

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  9. My my, what an intrusion for you and LV to have to endure. Her son's reaction was perfect and left you faultless. Good enough!

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  10. You poor thing. I had a mother-in-law a lot like that, too, so I understand how you felt. I know you were so glad when they moved!

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  11. I think I would have taken all my clothes off and opened that door and yelled "How Can I Help You?"

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  12. We should not forget how shy an Amish young woman would have felt in that circumstance; she would have been completely unable to jump out and embarrass anyone. (Though the MIL deserved it, and more.) This material needs to be a book, and the focus is, as you wrote in your sidebar, the journey from being a happy little Amish girl to... etc.. I'll buy the book. AND, more importantly, many, many girls who have made that journey or are contemplating it will buy it as well. It would be helpful to anyone who's feeling the pain of contemplating that change. You have the right story, the right skill and the right voice. DO IT. Thanks for the wonderful reading, I am a great fan,
    Leslie

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  13. I agree with "The Brokendown Life". You really need to write a book about all this. I look forward to each posting.

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  14. It's ever so much easier to be happy in the moment when one isn't being annoyed to distraction -smile-.

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  15. It would make a wonderful book....after my husband and I were married we lived with his mama some....I was helping in the kitchen one morning when she asked me to pour the used bacon grease into the coffee pot on the stove...I didn't see the little pot sitting at the back of the stove between the burners...I graciously pour all that grease into her pot of fresh brewed coffee on the front burner! When she went to pour herself a cup...she was furious...I thought that would ruin our relationship from then on...but,not so...she turned out to be a wonderful MIL and taught me many things about cooking and housekeeping. I was only 15 when I married and didn't have the opportunity to learn much at home before that. Blessings and keep the stories coming,please....

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  16. Wow! I'm glad your husband dealt with his mother! Wow!

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  17. I'm wondering if any of this will ever find its way back to your Amish family's ears....and what they would think. I'm sure you've thought of that many times, and it hasn't stopped you telling all. Go for it, girl, you have all of us readers' support.

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  18. Becca, yes, both LV and my family know that I am writing my/our story. I don't know how much they have actually read but I do know they have read some.

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  19. I too have MIL that is mean and these kinds of things happen in many family amish or not.

    I'm trying to get my understanding of when this is all taking place. I'm picturing this a long time ago but I think you have younger children so you can't be very old. Is this all within the last 15 years or so? How old would these parents be today? I, too, think this should be made into a book.

    I'm almost crying about the words your MIL said as I'm crying about the words MY MIL have said. Life is crazy, isn't it?

    Alice

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  20. Mmmmm; I'm thinking that MIL would be wearing a cast following so rude an incident :)

    God bless your patient heart!

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  21. I can relate! My mil and I have a very strained relationship because she's a snooper too. I found out when she stayed at our house on a weekend to watch our chihuahua babies and some of the dishtowels I had in my craft room to crochet tops on were in the kitchen used. Now, there were probably more than a dozen clean dishtowels in the kitchen so she didn't need to go snooping. There were several other instances of things she "snooped" in that weekend and she denied all of them. In many instances, she is a nice person. I can not tolerated an invasion of my privacy and comments that get back to me later on.

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  22. Oh my gracious!! I'm glad for your sake you kept your grip and didn't she didn't get that closet door opened.

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  23. Can you imagine how her mind must have raced when she saw her son at the table...."If he's here.... then where's Mary Ann????"

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  24. Oh dear. I was blessed with a wonderful MIL who has taught me to be a better MIL than I would've been had I not had such a godly example. I still get it wrong - as my lovely DILs will tell you - but I'm learning. I think as mothers we do find it hard to let our sons go but when I see how happy my married sons are, I'm so thankful for my DILs.

    I've been reading your blog for quite a while now and always wait anxiously for the next instalment of the story.

    Blessings, Jules

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  25. Oh my... I think I would've humbled 'your' MIL right then and there.

    You are sweet and far too gracious.
    I can't imagine knowing all she said and then facing her... after that...and not being fully hurt.

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  26. That was just plain wrong and very rude.

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  27. What NERVE! And EWWWWWWWW. I wonder how many times before that she snooped around! Thank Goodness they were moving soon! Blessings, Joanne

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  28. So appreciate you sharing this with us.

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  29. AUGH!
    I am angry at your MIL for you!
    We live 20 minutes away from my inlaws and that is to close.
    She has done horrible manipulative things to me and my husband.
    So,I understand the frustration and hurt that they can cause.
    I am glad that you no longer live with them.

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  30. Oh, my! I think maybe you should have let her open the door. :-/ She would have been horribly embarrassed, probably more than you, and I bet she'd think twice about doing something like that again.

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  31. Oh you poor thing.. Better days are coming.. So glad she couldn't get the door open... Blessings.. sisterbrenda

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  32. Getting along with the mother-in-law is always a challenge, but it sounds like yours was way too nosy and invasive! I'm sure you were glad to get out from under her supervision and have your own place.

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  33. What a trial! I wonder how they might have reacted to Mama hen's idea! lol!!

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  34. thank you for stopping by my blog
    I'm really looking forward to reading more of your blog

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  35. Bless your heart! What a difficult way to live, and what an unwise mother-in-law!

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  36. I'm still wishing you would have held your dress in front of you,and just let her open that door,and imagine how she would have screamed,(she scares easily)It truly would make anyone think before going through someone else's house.

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  38. Oh my goodness! I can not imagine. I am so sorry you had to go through that awful experience!

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  39. Wow.. now that takes a lot of nerve. I'm sure you were more than reading for your own home.

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  40. Funny thing, we were sharing MIL stories at work today. Another girl had a similar story to the one you shared here. How awful for you! But I'm glad your husband stood up to his mother and didn't let her get away with it.

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Thank you so much for taking time to comment. I love hearing your thoughts.