Today marks the one year anniversary of when we said our final good-byes to Mahlon. I won't remember every little detail of his day, but some moments were so vivid that I'll carry them with me for always.
It was a dreary day. The weather seemed to match our emotions. I asked God for a rainbow, but the sky remained gray.
I'll always remember the shoes. Hundreds and hundreds of shoes. I couldn't make myself look up to see who the people were who were walking by to say their final farewell. The shoes kept marching by. Big shoes, little shoes, shiny new shoes, old cracked shoes, wide shoes, narrow shoes, dusty shoes, plain shoes, Sunday shoes with their embossed designs on their toes, ugly shoes, pretty shoes. Shoes, shoes, shoes marching by in a solemn line.
I'll never forget the sight of my four remaining brothers taking a turn together to gently fill the grave. It was the final activity the five brothers would ever get to do together
I'll cherish the memory of how David and I remained behind when the crowd left to go back to eat lunch. The Amish part of the funeral was now over. We played some music for him, and finally we too had to leave. It still doesn't feel right or real that the three of us ex-Amish are now only two.
Everyone was almost done eating by the time we got back to Dad's house. The afternoon passed in a blur of people wanting to talk.
We left early that evening for our long drive home. In the middle of the night we stopped at a rest area. I broke down crying again, asking God why this all had to happen, and why He didn't give me the rainbow I had so wanted. It wouldn't have had to be spectacular, any little rainbow would have been fine. I tried to pull myself together and went out to where the rest of the family was waiting for me. On our way out of the building Kenneth stopped by a vending machine. I didn't pay any attention to that until he turned and gave me a pack of Skittles. I looked at it and had to pause for a moment. There was my rainbow.
These past few days over this four day anniversary I've had little rainbows pop up in unexpected places. On my lap as LV and I were driving down the road, on the floor in our laundry room, as well as other spots where I have never seen rainbows before. I'm finding them to be so comforting.
Though I miss Mahlon so much, I can still say, "God is good all the time!"