The girls and I were busy yesterday and by the time three o'clock rolled around we were in need of a snack and a break. Some freshly diced mangos and cottage cheese was perfect for the snack part, and then we decided to watch the newest episode of the Duggars while we relaxed and ate.
I don't know why we continue watching the show. It has so many moments that make me cringe, and yet still we continue recording and watching. Yes, it's clean, wholesome etc., but the cringe factor outweighs the enjoyment factor for me.
Yesterday we saw Ben and Jessa's anniversary, among other things, but it was their part I'll be talking about.
To celebrate, Jessa left her two little ones at home with Ben and went off to join her sisters to have their nails done. While she was gone Ben cooked a celebratory meal for her. After she got home and they ate, he gave her a necklace he had designed special for their third anniversary.
What did Jessa do for Ben? Nothing.
It's not just Ben and Jessa though. I have seen and heard often how women want their men to do special things for their anniversary. How their feelings were hurt if he forgot or did nothing, though they didn't do anything either.
I don't understand it. Maybe it's my Amish background that is making that I can't wrap my mind around it, or maybe there's a perfectly good reason that I have never had explained to me.
A wedding anniversary is about two people, right? Both husband and wife got married on their wedding day. Why aren't women spoiling their husband on their anniversary? Why is it all about the women?
To me anniversaries are a joint celebration. Either we both do something, or we both do nothing "together".
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I so agree with you.
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DeleteI agree with your thoughts, but I wonder if it didn't start back when women were stay at home mothers. The husband would bring something home after work and maybe take her out to eat as a special way to celebrate. Together.
ReplyDeleteIn today's world with both husband and wife working it would only make sense for both to contribute to the celebration. I don't know why that doesn't happen more often.
Just my thoughts.
Hmmm ... that's an interesting theory. There may be something to that.
DeleteI could not agree with you more. These gifts so,trimester seem to be expected and demanded. I
ReplyDeleteOur first years, we bought things that would benefit us as a couple, i.e, new furniture, trip, etc. Then it was dinner and a card. Then a card. Not to say this is correct. It is just as you said. It is about two people celebrating the marriage.
I have never watched the Duggars, but see them on the news and in magazines at the doctor's office.
Oops. Hit publish too soon.
DeleteYes! We've also bought things for the both of us. Some years we've done nothing other than wish each other a Happy Anniversary.
DeleteI agree wholeheartedly. I have a friend who is like this and I love her dearly, but she just doesn’t seem to “get it”. It’s the same with birthdays and Valentine’s Day. No gifts for Hubby but he is expected to go all out with gifts and dinner out, etc.
ReplyDeleteI think my Hubby and I are different. We will celebrate 40 years on Sept. 1. In the early days we couldn’t even afford a card! And now, we just choose not to spend that much on a piece of card board. We make sure to tell each other how much we love and appreciate each other every day and try to do little extra things for each other that are unexpected in our daily life. Not that we’re perfect, (well, he’s close but I’m definitely not!). I honestly don’t understand why is going through these ladies’ heads.
Blessings,
Betsy
I don't understand either. I was thinking someone else may have the answer to why it seems to be this way.
DeleteI don't watch the series anymore, because we got rid of cable a few years ago, so I haven't seen any of the episode you described. But I have to ask if perhaps this was just the result of creative editing? Could she, for instance, have gotten her nails done to look nice for their celebration? Could she have given him a gift? Could the editors have cut out any footage that showed a two-way gift exchange?
ReplyDeleteThere's a lot to their life that we don't see. I simply used what they showed as the launch point to illustrate what I have seen in many other Anniversaries. This isn't so much about the Duggars as it is being perplexed about women who think anniversaries are all about them.
DeleteWe see very little of what's going on in their lives. My husband and I usually celebrate our first date February and also Valentine's day, the other plans for the Valentine's day and the other one for the other day. We don't know what Jessa's contribution is in the house hold, may be she cleaned the entire house so that they could have nice time together and it was Ben's job prepare the meal. It seems to me be a such minor matter.
ReplyDeleteWhat ever works for each couple. It's simply one of the things I've noticed that's very different from the culture we grew up in. I can not imagine an Amish woman getting her feelings hurt that her husband didn't do something special for an anniversary, especially not if she also didn't do anything for it.
DeleteYou make me feel so much better because as I watched it I was thinking the same thing. I thought I was the only one who saw that. I kept waiting for her to pull out a box and say, "And, Ben, this is for you." Nothing. My anniversary is coming up in September. My husband and I have already made reservations for a hotel and are going to a nice restaurant for dinner. We don't need things, but a nice get away that will give us happy memories is just wonderful.
ReplyDeleteThe plans you have for your upcoming anniversary sound lovely.
DeleteI totally agree with you, Mary Ann. We've been married 46 years and still I make a point of doing something every day to "spoil" my husband in some way. Just the other day he commented on how I spoil him to which I replied, "That's my plan." :) Some years we've had money to do something "special" for our anniversary and others not...but the point was that we spent time together that day whether we had money for gifts or cards. Thank you for causing me to think a bit.
ReplyDeleteCongrats on 46 years! I love that you still "spoil" your husband every day!
DeleteThis is sort of on the anniversary subject. My dear BIL and SIL have been married over 50 years and for many of those years they exchanged cards. My SIL can't make herself throw any of the cards away so now they go to the card shop and choose which card they would give the other, look at and read them, then carefully PUT THEM BACK on the rack.
ReplyDeleteGranny, I think that's cute! I never toss cards I get from The Squire, and I have to admit they are piling up.
DeleteI've never seen the Duggars on TV; that entire situation is cringe-worthy, in my opinion. I agree with Anonymous, that the idea of the husband going all out for an anniversary goes back to when the wife stayed at home and cooked her husband a nice meal every night; he made her day by either doing the cooking himself (and cleaning up, please!) or taking her out to dinner.
ReplyDeleteIt's hard to think of things to give a man as a gift, but most women can use another pair of earrings or a bracelet. I didn't get an "allowance" when I was married to my first husband, so I would make him a cake and a card.
I couldn't agree with you more. A partnership involves both. Even if it's a card or something small, a gesture, it's the idea of both people having a stake in it and celebrating that.
ReplyDeleteSpeaking of celebrating, thank you so much for coming over to my blog this week. I'm so behind on replying to comments in the land of limited internet but your visits mean a lot.
This is really odd and annoying. I’ve enjoyed watching the Duggars, and this seems reLly strange !!
ReplyDeleteI , also, think it would be nice if each spouse celebrated the other on these special occasions, not just one doing for the other. That said, I don't know how much was edited from this episode -- perhaps Jessa did something for Ben that just wasn't shown? I guess, too, whatever works for your family is what is important.
ReplyDeleteI think there is much to admire about the Duggar family, although of course we probably each also cringe at some things. I was surprised that not one of the siblings asked was able to name a figure from Greek mythology (just Ben, who is not a Duggar). Not one of us knows everything, but there have been many other times when something has been brought up and the kids were entirely unaware of those subjects and I guess it is just making me squirm a little.
Ann
I agree that both husband and wife should celebrate the occasion. After all, there wouldn't be an occasion to celebrate unless they had become a couple.
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