"Fendu", pronounced fend you, is the Pennsylvania Dutch word for an auction.
Often when grandparents pass away the children and grandchildren will gather for a private fendu to sell all of their belongings. Each hoping to be able to take home a few treasured pieces, whether furniture, dishes, quilts, books, or toys.
This summer the fendu for my grandparents things was held at one of my aunts homes. All the Amish aunts, uncles, and cousins gathered for the occasion. We weren't informed about the event until it was over. We wouldn't have been able to go any way since it was during the time chicken pox were visiting our home. But I would have liked to be able to have a few things that used to belong to them.
My grandmother loved pretty things. She used to buy the most interesting and lovely toys for her grandchildren to play with, but then was so afraid they might make it look used and no longer as pretty as it used to be that she kept everything tucked away.
Most of her toys, not a single grandchild remembered ever seeing. Without fun memories attached to them, they were a lot less valuable. The few toys that we all used to play with brought a pretty penny as did all her beautiful dishes.
One of my cousins called to tell me all about the event told me how amazed they were at the amount of things Grandma used to have that no even knew about until that day. I was reminded that things are so temporal, and should be enjoyed now. When I die, I don't want my children discovering hoards of beautiful things for the very first time. I would rather have well worn, memory saturated things, than loads of meaningless things that the only memory attached to it would be that of someone who valued perfection too much.
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Someone we all loved would not let the kids play with the many toys which were both stashed and set out. It caused all of our kids to be hurt and confused when they were young. This person would come to visit but first pick up any toys in the yard and insist we put them up ( sometimes claiming they belonged to her. ) because they might be worth something later. These were ordinary toys. My husband told her we bought them for the kids to play with and they were free to do that.
ReplyDeleteGlad your children were allowed to enjoy their toys!
DeleteSo sorry to hear that you hadn't been informed about nor invited for the 'fendu'.
ReplyDeleteDid anyone buy anything ( though as tiny as might be ) for you, as a heirloom?
Those chicken pox don't really matter in this case, I think...
Sending blessings to you and yours,
Jeanneke.
No, no one bought anything for us. We knew it was one of the things we would most likely not be included in when we chose to leave the Amish. It's okay. I do keep my eyes open when visiting thrift shops and yard sales. I have been able to find some things like my Grandma and Mother had, so even though it's not the exact item, it still feels a little like it could be. :)
DeleteEldest Daughter's mother-in-law bought Local Granddaughter many lovely Madame Alexander dolls, but like Joanie's relative, "they might be worth something later" and were kept in their boxes, an attitude which was totally lost on the child. Her eyes would light up at the sight of a new doll, and then tear up when it was packed away, unopened. I bought her an American Girl doll and taught her to sew for the doll and the doll's doll. We made clothing - and memories.
ReplyDeleteWhen my grandmother died, we found boxes and boxes of lovely linens and many unworn dresses - some with the tags still attached - which she had saved "for a special occasion". Most had to be disposed of, as they had dry-rotted. Such a waste.
I wonder if this attitude is connected to the era in which these people grew up? My grandmother was born in 1898, and had lived through two World Wars and the Great Depression. The mother-in-law was born around 1920, and had seen the Depression and WWII. You never knew where your next meal was coming from - would you have 5 cents for a loaf of bread, or would the grocer have a can of peas on the shelf, even if you had the ration stamps? New clothes? You turned sheets and collars and made new bottoms for pants pockets. I think maybe the memory of sudden, total, loss made a lot of people from that era very careful - many too careful - about holding on to things.
I do think that could have had something to do with it. Both sets of my grandparents lived through the depression. One tucked things away so they stay safe, and the other saved and reused absolutely everything. Including the used wicks of the oil stove!
DeleteMy grandmother saved the strings from flour and feed bags - which were made up in dresses for me - and used it to crocheted all of her dishcloths.
DeleteI will tell you that growing up in a make-do household has served me well. When my first husband left me bankrupt with two small children, knowing how to stretch a dollar was a good skill to have!
Um, what did she DO with those used wicks. Other than making good fire-starters, I can't think of anything.
My husbands Grandma always said "special things are for special people not special occasions and no one more special than family." I always remember this and try to use up pretty things. Can't tell how many estate sales I have been to and see beautiful linen hankies and other things like this still in their boxes. It is a shame. What were they saving them for? They never got to enjoy them.
ReplyDeleteI really like that saying your Grandma used to say. So very true!
DeleteI'm very sorry that you weren't able to receive any of your Grandparents precious memory items. A similar thing happened to me after my Grandmother whom I was very cloe to died. A year or so later my Uncle's family decided to have a sale and get rid of all of Grandma's things while I was away on my honeymoon. I was devastated. I was the only grandchild who stayed with her every summer as a child and she used those moments to teach me to crochet, sew, bake and cook. They meant nothing wrong, the just didn't have the connections to her things that I did and just wanted to get rid of things. I would have been happy just to have her flour sifter or muffin pan! I do have wonderful memories though and that mean a lot to me.
ReplyDeleteBlessings,
Betsy
I'm so sorry that all your grandmother's things got sold without you even knowing about it! So thankful memories are ours to keep!
DeleteHearing about the unused toys makes me a little sad. My mother is much the same way. She has things no one can use because they are, or may be, worth something some day. My opinion is unless you're willing to sell it or use it, then it isn't worth anything. My brother gave my daughter (who is 27) a tote full of unopened baseball cards with strict instructions not to open or sell them. She was so upset that she couldn't let her son play with them or sell the ones that may be worth something that she told him to just take them back. My children think like I do, use it, sell it, or get rid of it.
ReplyDeleteI think your children will have their hearts full of love from memories of a wonderful mother!
ReplyDeleteI'm saddened, and maybe a little mad, that no one told you about the sale. Yes, I know they are just things, but still.
ReplyDeleteThis reminds me a little of my grandparents home place. They never had a sale, and it was up to us to clean out the house after their deaths. What a job! A tremendous amount of work and it is one of my life goals no to accumulate decades worth of things. Let's use it, wear it out, or else lose it.
My grandma taught me how to bake bread, and I was the only one in the family who took the time and effort to learn. So, one year for Christmas my grandma gave me her mixing bowl and bread pans that we always used. She wanted me to have them, and she didn't want to worry that I wouldn't be able to get them after she died. I took them several times to her house before she died to bake bread with her. I'm so glad she gave to me, and I still have and use them:-)
ReplyDelete