In the bottom dresser drawer in our bedroom a pile of tiny garments was growing steadily. I couldn't see how anyone could possibly be happier than I was as I spent my days cutting and sewing clothes for our much anticipated addition to our family.
Mornings and evenings I still helped with all the chores which I also really enjoyed. Finally after more than six months had passed we made an appointment to see someone. I didn't look forward to that visit but agreed that we probably shouldn't push it off any longer.
The morning for my appointment arrived and we were both not thrilled to find we had a cow that needed urgent veterinary care. LV called the vet and then told me he would have to stay at home so that someone would be there when the vet arrived. I was disappointed that I would have to go to that first appointment alone but I understood why he couldn't accompany me and didn't really think anything more about it until I was sitting in that little room at the doctors office and the doctor was asking where LV was.
I told her that he had to stay at home because we had a sick cow. She didn't seem impressed as she started scribbling furiously on her notepad and told me that any decent husband would put the needs of his wife above the needs of a cow.
That was all I needed to hear. I got up from the miserable little table thing I had been sitting on and told her that I had the best husband in the world. That there was nothing wrong with me, but there was a whole lot wrong with the cow. If I would have been sick or needed him in any way he would have been there.
The rest of my visit was quiet as she checked everything she needed to. I was glad to get out of the office and felt slightly sheepish at my outburst. I knew I was probably the first Amish woman who had ever lost it in her office.
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Frankly, good for you!
ReplyDeleteBy the way, my husband was never able to come to any of my prenatal appointments, but he was with me for every birth an every miscarriage that landed me in the hospital.
ReplyDeleteI agree with, Kate, good for you!! :)
ReplyDeleteNow, that's hilarious! Sometimes people think they know-it-all, especially doctors, and when they act like that they pretty much deserve what they get. Still chuckling...
ReplyDeleteI'm sure you were so worked up with the stress of your first such appointment PLUS all the pregnancy hormones surging through your veins, she's lucky you didn't go all crazy on her and trash the office. She should have known not to insult a pregnant woman. LOL Actually your outburst probably gave you the courage to get through the exam!
ReplyDeleteGood for you. I would have left. Sometimes I say things and later think, bet they never thought they'd hear that from some Mennonite lady!
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteHow obnoxious! I'm so glad you spoke up. Some of these docs are so arrogant. Did she ever apologize? Did you ever have another appoinment with her?
ReplyDeleteGood for you :)
ReplyDeleteI agree with Monica - I'd have made my speach and walked out. If you were her very first Amish patient, I MIGHT give her the benifit ofthe doubt, but if she had treated other Amish women, then she was way out of line.
ReplyDeleteActually, Amish or not, there are plenty of reasons for a husband not to be there for an OB visit - working night shift, over-the-road trucking, etc. Frankly, I think her remark was inexcusable.
I agree with these ladies. I applaud you for supporting your husband and letting the doctor know! I would probably have said my piece, and then walked out in search of another physician. Can't wait to read of the blessed event in the future !
ReplyDeleteI would imagine that pregnant Amish women have the same hormone issues as regular women, so your response is understandble, hormones or not! I would've been so tempted to walk out right then and there!
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely agree with all the other commenters. That was uncalled for and unprofessional of the doctor.
ReplyDeleteOne thing people sometimes forget is that doctors (and lawyers and other expert professionals) have been hired to perform a service. If their service is not to our liking, we can 'fire' them.
I was lucky that my husband's job is flexible enough for him to go to all my prenatal appointments, but I know plenty of women who only had the extra support for a few significant ones like the ultrasound.
Good for you! it was none of her business.that was very unprofessinal of her to express her unwanted opinion like that. Blessings, Joanne
ReplyDeleteI came across your blog today and I totally dig it. I am also sending you an email
ReplyDeleteGood for you for sticking up for LV!!!
ReplyDeleteGood grief, how odd. With my first, I was lucky that my husband could come to most of my appointments, but we worked at the same company and scheduled the dr. visits at lunchtime. With my second, I don't remember that he accompanied me to any appointments. For heaven's sake, I was a grown woman and there was nothing wrong with me.
ReplyDeleteIt seems strange to me that in what sounds like a fairly rural area that a doctor would expect a husband to come along when there was no apparent problem. I don't know why being Amish should be a factor - surely there were non-Amish farmers' wives whose husbands couldn't come to every appointment. I chalk it up to some people's unfortunate tendency to equate pregnancy with sickness.
My guess is several different things probably factored into this particlar doctors reaction to me showing up without my husband.
ReplyDeleteOne, almost all Amish husbands in our community always accompanied their wives to those appointments.
Two, she was not very fond of Amish people, men in particular.
I'd have reacted the same way, personally!
ReplyDeleteI think you told her what she needed to hear!
ReplyDeleteYour comment clarifies things, Mary Ann, as basically your ob/gyn was a rather sexist and prejudiced doctor (sexist against men and prejudiced about Amish). Quite an oddball, I'd say.
ReplyDeleteReminds me of the person I met here in South Africa who remarked upon discovering that I am an American: "I hope you're not from Nebraska as I don't like Nebraska!" .... in hindsight, I should have said, 'why yes I AM from Nebraska!', but I found myself mumbling something about being from the East and not the Midwest after I closed my mouth from the shock of his response. People can be so insensitive, really!
Mercy! She had nerve!I think I would have said more with less dignity & left. What a lack of professionalism. Good for you, sweetie.
ReplyDeleteHappy St. Patrick's Day ~
Have a beautiful eve ~
TTFN ~
Hugs,
Marydon
CSN GIVEAWAY ENDS 3/17
Mary Ann, I also wish to THANK YOU for all the loving kid thoughtful prayers you have lifted for my husband's health, & me. You are just precious.
ReplyDeleteHugs, Marydon
What was the problem with your LV not being there.
ReplyDeleteBeing a military wife, my husband rarely attended any appointments OB or otherwise.
Perhaps, some of these professionals, (doctors, and such) should go to a school on basic manners.
At any rate, I would say, you had every right to speak out...
Mary Ann, I am glad that ou spoke up. There was no need for the doctor to make such comments.
ReplyDeleteI am so enjoying your blog.
Yours, Rosemary (Nonna)
Perhaps she should have kept her opinions to herself. I can't imagine she didn't understand that a farmer provides for his family by way of his farm! I suppose some farmers overdue it and spend too much time in the barn and away from their family but that doesn't sound like LV! Did you give her a second chance? I imagine you did :-)
ReplyDeleteHow exciting to read about the start of your family!
There are some things we have to set straight! Good for you! Also, by the way, Thank you for the letter, nice to hear from you!
ReplyDeleteBlessings,
DebbieS.
Well, that was tacky to say the least. At least you said something to defend your husband (not that it was her business) but it made her aware of her inappropriateness hopefully. Maybe it kept her from saying something awful to the next person who wouldn't have been so brave and kept it all inside. :)
ReplyDeleteUncharacteristic outburst from an Amish woman or not, you needn't feel sheepish about your comment to her. What she said was condescending and rude toward your husband, and I think you worded your reply rather well. It was probably a good thing that you stood up for your family because then she realized she couldn't push you around. People can mistake meekness for weakness. Jesus was meek, but he also knew how to drive a point home and could be downright scary (Well, He IS the Son of God after all!). At any rate, IMHO you weren't rude, and I'm so glad you were able to stand up for your husband in a very awkward situation!
ReplyDeleteYou oughtn't feel guilty. For all you know, your outburst may have inspired her to realise that a man who would be overprotective of his wife to the point where he would let an animal suffer needlessly (or potentially endanger the family income) just to accompany her to a doctor's visit isn't really better than one who doesn't think his wife is capable of travelling to the doctor on her own. Remember, nonviolence doesn't mean avoiding all conflict - look at what your dad did with the gasoline thieves.
ReplyDeleteI just discovered your blog today and found it rather interesting.I also grew up Amish but left after I got married.I look forward to getting to know you a little better through the blogging world:)
ReplyDeleteMy husband only went to the ultra sound and births for all my kids.
ReplyDeleteThanks for visiting my blog. I am very interested in hearing your stories.
I have to step out and tell you I love reading your blog. I found you one day when I was googling my own blog and discovered there was someone with a similar blog name. Once I read your info I was hooked! Your story telling is marvelous and I love spending quiet evenings here. I'll be sharing your blog with my friends!
ReplyDeleteI'm amazed at the insensitivity and/or arrogance of people. One of my biggest problems, however, is knowing how to speak out. I'm glad you spoke up for your husband. It was probably something the doctor really needed to hear.
ReplyDeleteI tend to "blank out" when it comes to "speaking out". Aarrghh!!! That's way I like writing. The words are there...the timing just a tad on the slow side!
Somebody made a suggestion that I liked. She said to simply ask for clarification from people. (I know I read into things a lot, as far as WHY people say certain things).
The question is a matter of fact:
"Why do you say that?" or
"Why do you ask?"
I'm actually looking forward to trying that! :)
Bottom line as far as the appt. goes:
"Good for you!"
Shay :)
The doctor was way out of line. Good job standing up for L.V. and for yourself.
ReplyDeleteGood for you....a dr. shouldn't be so judgemental in these kinds of situations. Glad you stood up for LV.
ReplyDeleteKaren