Having a child seemed to put a whole new light on life for us. Knowing that his future in this life and eternity rested largely on what we taught him. It was a sobering thought and we resolved to be the best parents we could possibly be.
Life was great for the most part but more and more we were having feelings deep inside that something wasn't right, that we needed to do more, be more than what we were but were at a total loss on how to figure out exactly what that was and how to go about to find out.
One evening as we were milking we were talking like we always did but this time our conversation turned to more serious things again. Sailor was playing with a few of his toys that I had fastened to the stroller to keep him occupied while we did the chores. He was such a happy little boy, but even the joy we felt at having him didn't outweigh the weight we felt inside. At a loss on what we could do we decided once chores were done we would go see the bishop and talk to him. He would surely have the advice we needed.
Arriving at the bishops house he invited us into his study which seemed like only an over sized closet. We tried to tell him how we felt, all our feelings of doubt and fear that something was wrong. That the thought of eternity was terrifying. He sat there and listened to everything. Once we were done talking he said that we really don't have anything to be worried or concerned about because we were really good people.
We went home knowing that what ever it was that was bothering us was still there and now felt totally helpless on how to deal with it.
Every time we started having doubts and questions we now tried to suppress them and buried ourselves in our work and renewed resolve to be the best Amish people we could be. If the bishop didn't have answers there was no where else to turn.
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Isn't it amazing how satan tricks us into believing such lies. We become enslaved to the rules and laws of the world, when the word of God is right there and so clear.
ReplyDeleteJesus came to not abolish the law but bring freedom. He saved us and we are his...no amount of "things or doings" can change that.
It's amazing how the Holy Spirit was alrady at work in your lives to bring you out of the darkness and into the light.
Blessings
Connie
That was such a huge burden to bear at such a young age. Ultimately, you had a very tough decision to make...
ReplyDeleteJust knowing within your heart, something was wrong, being both of you knew each other's heart. I commend both of you working together; trying to search for happiness for all three of you!
ReplyDeleteBlessings,
Debbie S
What a journey...how profound that you both, as such a young family, were turning your thoughts to what comes next. I so appreciate you telling us your story.
ReplyDeletexoxo
Joni
How blessed that you had a desire to serve the Lord on a higher plane. I can't wait to hear more on this subject. :)
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad you are blogging MA! What a blessing this is to read.
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad you are blogging MA! What a blessing this is to read.
ReplyDeleteIsn't it wonderful how God's Spirit moves in us? He is willing that none should perish, He woos us until we know His voice is speaking. How awful for you, though, to feel you had no answers to the weighty issues! I'm so glad that you and LV were so in tune with one another that you could work toward a resolution TOGETHER. I wait with baited breath to hear how God moved you out of the Amish community. Such a journey..such a story...and in the end, such a testimony, I'm sure!
ReplyDeleteFaith vs 'being good'.... or 'relationship' vs 'ritual'....God was drawing you into understanding these basic differences. It is really so clear once a person knows God and not just 'knows about' God, isn't it?
ReplyDeleteWe just wanted to stop by and say thank you for entering our giveaway! We really enjoyed hearing from you! Maybe we can do another honey giveaway after I harvest this year.
ReplyDeleteMay the Lord bless you and your family!
It's amazing and God sent the way you both had those sames feelings.Thanks for sharing. Blessings, Joanne
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like the Lord was taking away your peace to get the two of you closer to Him.
ReplyDeleteI'm fidgeting as I look forward to the rest of the story, lol.
You are so blessed that you both felt the same way. As difficult as this journey was, it was infinitely easier becuse you and LV were walking side by side, with God as your leader.
ReplyDeleteI know that Amish clergy are chosen by lot, while clergy in most other denominations go to seminary or at the very least take special courses to help them interpret the Bible and how it applies to our lives. Quite honestly, "dropping somebody into the deep end of the pool" is not the best way to learn to swim! Perhaps, with proper leadership, you and LV would still be Amish - but that obviously wasn't God's plan, so there you are! It all worked out just as it should have.
I can't wait to hear the rest of your story. Thanks for sharing. Your writing is very good and you always leave us wanting more.
ReplyDeleteIt must have been hard times for you not knowing where to turn.
ReplyDeleteI'm looking forward to the next part of your story.
How wonderful that God was speaking to both of you at the same time. A coincidence? I think NOT!!! Hard decisions were ahead for you ... but the eternal security and the peace that passes all human understanding is certainly worth it!
ReplyDeleteAs I read your words I sense God gently calling to you both... looking forward to reading more.
ReplyDeleteIt is hard when you are young to know the right things to do.
ReplyDeleteIt's annoying when people who should hold answers don't!
ReplyDeleteAnd it can't have been easy just burying your doubts like that!