The Amish language does not include a word for love.
As a child I was never told I was loved, and neither did my parents ever give me a hug. It wasn't that they didn't love me, it was simply that the Amish do not publicly display love in any form.
I never doubted that I was loved, I could tell that they found joy being with their children. We did everything together, working, playing, reading, laughing, talking. To my mother especially we were everything to her and her life revolved around her family.
If I had a choice, never hearing the words "I love you" and never receiving a hug, but still have the relationship and the joy of spending time together like my mother and I did, or hearing I love you a lot, but going our separate ways. I would choose the first. Living a life of love, does not make a child feel unloved even if they never hear the actual words.
I can't imagine not telling my children I love them, and to me those little arms being thrown around me in a bear hug will be memories I will treasure long after they are grown. I still enjoy spending time with my children in much the same way as my mother spent time with me.
Had we remained Amish I know things would be different, there would be no hugs, no words saying "I love you," but the love I have for my children would be the same and I know they would know I love them.
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Thats interesting. I know that its actions that speak louder than words. Im so glad you at least felt loved. What a blessing!
ReplyDeleteChristina
Every child should get to feel loved. I'm so glad my parents knew how to do that!
DeleteHow very interesting ........ WOW !!! Yes actions speak louder than words, I agree .... BUT, Ooooohhhhh how I LOVE saying I LOVE you to those I feel the urge !!! And, LOVE to me is one of the most beautiful, heartfelt words we can speak ....... I would be very sad knowing this word, and, not using it when felt ........ I say the "verb" LOVE is very much important tho ....... sooooo, let's all keep lovin' each other up, no matter how we do it ......... love you girlie :):) xoxo
ReplyDeleteI can't imagine not using the word "love" but there was no word for it in the Amish language. Thankfully LV had no problem borrowing from the English language when we were courting. :)
DeleteI can't imagine not ever saying I love you to my husband and kids or giving and receiving hugs. It's something that I grew up with, though, so perhaps I wouldn't miss what I never had. I have to agree that there's nothing like little arms wrapping themselves around your neck in a big, bear hug. My 10 year old son likes to race to be the first one to hug me when I get home from work. :)
ReplyDeleteUm...... husbands and wives did hug, just not where anyone could see them. ;)
DeleteMy mom was born in 1921, when child rearing "experts" felt too much affection was not good for children. My dad was born in Australia, and apparently this fad never reached those shores. I do not remember EVER having any sign of affection from my mom, no word of praise for a job well done (pride-fullness should be schooled out of children as early as possible), nothing. When I decided to nurse my children my grandmother had a fit when I would rock them and hold them. "You're going to be the ruination of that child!" My sister and I were *never* allowed to touch each other. I swear, if she had fallen into the deep end of the pool, I'd have run for a grownup to pull her out before I would have dared grab her myself.
ReplyDeleteIf I needed a hug, I went to my dad or my Nana.
Fortunately, I learned what not to do, and raised my children completely opposite of the way my sister and I were raised.
So glad your children didn't have to be raised the same way.
DeleteI grew up that way too. My parents didn't show affection and I don't think I heard the words until I was an adult. I've always told my girls that I love them, and now I have 7 grandchildren that hear it from this Grandma whenever I see them.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad your daughters and grandchildren get to hear that you love them!
DeleteI agree that hearing the words but not having the relationship would be worse than never hearing I love you, but I'm so happy your children have both. I gre up with both and never have a conversation with my now grown children and small grandchildren without telling them I love them.
ReplyDeleteI can't imagine not telling my children I love them. Do I wish I would have heard those words from my parents? It would have been nice, but their actions were filled with love so I don't think I have any right to complain.
DeleteI learn so much from you about Amish culture. This post surprises me. I guess I thought all religious people profess love for one another. Like the scripture says "As I have loved you, love one another". Like you now, I can't imagine my life with my family and friends without saying I love you often with hugs.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad that even though you did not hear it as a child you knew you were loved. That is a treasured gift.
It is a treasure to be able to look back and see how very much I was loved.
DeleteDo you still talk to your mom and dad? I am glad that you felt loved -- I can't imagine not hearing "I love you" but then I knew I was loved, too, in between being told. If the actions don't match the words, is when people don't feel worth.
ReplyDeleteI can still talk to my parents. I think it's important to have actions match our words, otherwise our words don't mean very much.
DeleteI am so very very glad you can still talk to your parents. That would be the one thing that would hurt the most, I think. My parents have both gone to Heaven, and I miss them so very much, I would give my right arm to be able to talk to and see them again. I hope to see them in Heaven, but in the meantime, it hurts.
DeleteActions do speak much louder than words. What a touching post. I hope my walk and words and actions prove my love for my family and friends. Blessings and Sunshine, Valerie
ReplyDeleteI feel the same way you do, I hope both my walk and words show my love for family and friends.
DeleteThe words "I love you" are nice to hear, but the words without the quality time that shows the meaning of love mean a lot more. Like you, I speak the words and give the hugs as often as I can, but I agree that the actions are ultimately more important.
ReplyDeleteWords without actions to match lose a lot of their meaning, but using both makes life even sweeter!
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